You can read part 1 of this three-part series here and part 2 here.
We left that church because we moved out of the area. We were disappointed that all the moderate Baptist churches were at least a half-hour away with none in our county at all. I went online when we were ready to visit churches and found two I wanted to visit. One’s website was down so I didn’t know what their worship times were, but the other church’s wasn’t. We decided to go to that church. We’d later join it. In one respect, we should’ve left long before we did. However, had we done so, we’d have missed out on getting to know some truly wonderful people.
The first preacher was toxic af. He was insecure for one, self-centered for another. I heard through people in our small group that his idea of “sermon preparation” was going into a small room near the worship stage (yes, it’s a stage) for the contemporary service and praying. No exposition, no diving into languages or contexts. As a result, his sermons usually had the following structure:
- Read the scripture.
- Spend fifteen to twenty minutes talking about himself and/or his family.
He and I had had a closed-door session with another minister present. At this time I’d been leading a Sunday school class of older women. Eric asked me what I did to prepare. I told him the study I put in then how I let the Spirit lead from there. He straight-up told me not to follow the Spirit when I teach the Bible. Do fuckin’ what???
I told him what had happened at the former church. Well, a few months later, Hubby and I had had it with the misogyny in our small group. Unbeknownst to me, he’d gotten up at five in the morning and shot out an email to that group addressing it. I didn’t know what in the world was going on until a friend of mine called me moments after my alarm went off to tell me how awesome it was. When we got to our class that morning, everyone was there, including the preacher. It was ugly and made uglier by the fact the preacher disclosed what I’d confided to him as a “gotcha” move.” My friend’s husband eloquently put him in his place. We left the class soon after (really should’ve left the church then), and there is only one couple from that class left at the church. It pretty much blew up.
We did eventually leave the church for a season, determining we’d return when he was gone. We had some good preachers. One we call “The Paul.” He’s still a friend of mine even though we’re both at different churches now. After he left this interim came on. After he’d been there a month of so, I was giving him the benefit of the doubt: He’s new. He’s getting used to us and we’re getting used to him. He’ll get better.” A year later, he wasn’t new anymore, and he wasn’t getting better. Truly a compassionate, kind man, but as a preacher he was either naturally ungifted and lousy or simply lazy.
We were so excited when our pastor search committee found a new preacher for us! That excitement was short-lived. I wonder what the committee members think of their choice now? He doesn’t vibe bad, but his words throw pink and red flags all over the place. He hadn’t been there two months when I felt the Spirit telling me to take my family to a new church. It was kinda a “Say what, sis?” moment. This new church isn’t Baptist. I’d been there once to walk its labyrinth, but that’s it, yet, God was leading. I was a little skeptical but excited, too. What sealed the deal was the preacher not-saying-but-saying something that made me picture myself standing between my older daughter and stones being thrown from the pulpit while others looked on. Except, my daughter was pictured as a rainbow sheep, and the stone-thrower and those giving tacit approval were white sheep. If you’re familiar with the works of David Hayward (@nakedpastor), you’ll know what I’m talking about. (Check him out on Threads, Facebook, and Instagram.)
That church is making a drastic shift to the right and is bleeding members like crazy. I learned today that the youth group that was sixty kids-strong when my older was in it is down to three.
So here we are. We’re at a new church. My younger daughter and I are ready to join. I think Hubby is a bit more reticent because he doesn’t adapt quite as quickly as we do. We all love our new church home, though, and Hubby said he wished our older daughter had had a place like this when she was younger. It’s very close to the church we wanted and had hoped our last church would become. The rector seems marvelously free of ego, and it has a beautiful, diverse body of believers. We’re becoming involved for the first time in twenty years. It’s taken us that long, that many years from the “if you build it, they will come” church to not fear being taken advantage of by volunteering to do things.
Have you ever been taken advantage of by a church? How did you handle that? Reply in the comments.
