My friends have heard me say many times, “How can I love you through this?” It’s an uncomfortable question to hear for some people. This can present another layer of weirdness when the friend I’m addressing happens to be of the opposite sex and may not be used to hearing that question. So many folks limit “love” to romantic or sexual feelings for another person.. In fact, I’ve grown into love being something I throw around quite often. I feel love for people in my life–family and friends–and I want to communicate that feeling to them. It seems I may have started something among even my fellow GenXers because “love” is flying around everywhere!
“How can I love you through this?” encompasses a whole lot of questions.
How can I support you through this?
How can I care for you through this?
How can I meet some of your physical or practical needs while you’re going through this? (Sometimes “love” comes in a casserole dish or shows up behind a mower.)
ultimately
How can I be Jesus for you as you’re going through this?
My Christian friends understand that that last question is the heart of it all. My nontheist friends haven’t met the same Jesus I’ve met so might not have been shown what Jesus’ love looks like. They know what my love looks like, though. (I try to get it as close to Jesus’ love as humanly possible.) Jesus embodied all the spiritual gifts; unfortunately, mine aren’t as far-reaching. But how cool would it be to be able to touch someone who’s sick, injured, or otherwise impaired and be able to heal them!
When I ask that question–“How can I love you through this?”–there are any number of correct answers. These may include (but aren’t limited to):
“Pray for/with me.”
“Can you mow my lawn for me?” (This is usually hidden as a statement like, “My lawn is really overgrown” or “The HOA sent me a letter about my lawn, but I just can’t summon up the energy to take care of it.”)
“I could use a meal I don’t have to cook.” (Again, may take the form of “I haven’t been grocery shopping” or “I’m nearly out of food.”)
“I don’t know right now.” This can be an invitation to sit in silence with someone and listen to them share their heart.
Sometimes, the unspoken answer tells us that the person just needs someone to be present in silence or to listen, and that’s okay, too.
So tell me… How can I love you today?
