I frequently tick people off by violating the social sexual contract.
The social contract is an unspoken, unwritten, but universally accepted “rule” that dictates how people in a society are supposed to relate to each other. The social sexual contract determines the patriarchal order, giving men dominion and control over women and all aspects of women. It gives men access to women’s bodies in the marriage relationship, taking away the limitations of marital rape. It also gives men control over women’s reproductive health, allowing them to make laws that govern women’s bodies. It is this contract that states men don’t have to listen to women and women are supposed to accept this. This contract allows men to interrupt and talk over women when they’re speaking.
It says that, even if women are sexually harassed in the workplace, that they should just be quiet in deference to the man’s reputation. We have even seen this in churches in recent years in light of the #metoo movement where women who are sexually assaulted by male ministers are instructed to forgive their rapists and keep quiet because, after all, he’s a minister with a family, and her speaking would ruin his reputation. (Often, the minister is asked to resign quietly but then goes to another church and repeats the same behaviors.)
As a woman, I’m sick of living under a contract I didn’t sign. I have violated the social contract many times.
- I violate the social sexual contract when I call men out on interrupting me.
- I violate the contract when I make my own decisions about what happens to my body.
- I violate the contract when I declare the injustice in the church patriarchy as insecure male ministers block women’s ordinations then plagiarize their exegetical work.
- I violate the contract when I affirm and support other female ministers.
- I violate the contract when I refuse to excuse bullying behavior by male family members and name it for what it is.
- I violate the contract when I set boundaries against male relatives who want to draw me into hugs I don’t wish to give.
I gladly will continue to violate the social sexual contract. This social contract has become so pervasive that women gladly accept it and buy into it, allowing men the freedom to treat them however they wish. Men don’t consciously realize that there is a contract, but they reap its benefits daily. Only when women and people of color stand up and say, “Enough!” do white men even see there is a problem. Some, like many males with whom I’ve dealt, think the problem is in the one who’s tired of being treated like crap. More evolved males see the problems within the existing social systems and move to eradicate them.
What problems do you see in the existing social contract? What steps can you take to change the contract to make it more equitable?
