Content/Trigger Warning: This entry contains mentions of child sexual abuse. Be kind to yourself; it’s okay if you need to skip this.
In the continuing debate of “man versus bear,” there are millions of stories about why women choose the bear they’d meet in the woods. Even men are saying they’d choose the bear. Here’s another one.
It was summer 2016, and I was taking a walk through the neighborhood. It must’ve been a particularly mild day because our summers are usually suffocatingly hot and humid. I had my phone and was listening to music. A text came through from a former neighbor who had moved: “What is going on there???”
I shot back, “What do you mean?”
She sent a link to a news article from one of the local outlets. A neighbor, the man who lived behind us with his wife and their two daughters, had been arrested and charged with eleven counts of variations on sexual assault of a child–his older daughter. The charges ranged from statutory rape to indecent liberties with a minor to child molestation, and later his sexual offender’s profile page would indicate this had been going on the majority of her teen years, from when she was eleven to sixteen.
Of course, the link found its way to the local Facebook page (not by me; someone else in our town). People whose lawns this guy had mown were chiming in with, “He’s such a nice Christian man.”
And that’s the thing. He presented as this “nice Christian man.” He was that one glad-handing people at HOA meetings and around town. He was very vocal about his religiosity. My older daughter mowed lawns around the neighborhood, and she was out mowing ours one day when Bob came by. He offered her his hand to shake, but she got a funky vibe from him and backed away. She wasn’t rude, but she put up a boundary. Both of my girls got this strange vibe from him.
At one point Bob mowed our next door neighbor’s lawn. Bob didn’t know crap about taking care of grass. He couldn’t identify grass types so didn’t know how to adjust his mower accordingly. He also left a mess of clippings. Our neighbor’s lawn had weeds; our lawn has professional weed control. Bob had mown the neighbor’s grass and blown the wet clippings–seed heads included–into our lawn. I thought Bob was going to swing back and take care of the mess. After half an hour of not seeing him, I asked him to take care of the mess he’d left in our yard. He gave me push-back. I told him I’d take pictures of the mess and post them in the neighborhood Facebook group. A little bit more back-and-forth let him know that not tending to his mess would ultimately be bad for his business.
He looked at me aghast and tried to manipulate me. He put his hand on his chest and said, “I thought you were a Christian!” Ugh! The very nerve of this man to question my faithfulness when he was committing atrocities against his own daughter!
He spent a couple of years in jail. In the meantime, his wife sold their house. The older daughter moved out as soon as she could. There were never any charges brought against him. His wife didn’t. In fact, she welcomed him back into her home–an apartment by this point–when he was released. I’m pretty sure at least the older daughter has gone no contact. She’s since gotten married.
The family was a homeschooling family. The older daughter would have people over to study; they always sat outside on the back patio. When Bob was mowing lawns, his wife and both daughters accompanied him. I guess he couldn’t risk leaving them home alone where he couldn’t monitor their activities. Another neighbor told me at the beginning of our homeschooling journey that the girls used to take dance, but their mom eventually said it was “too much.” They were isolated.
Later Bob and his wife–the daughters were both gone by this point–took mowing back up. She had kept the business going while he was locked up. They had some customers in our neighborhood who still stuck with them. My girls didn’t want to go outside at all if he were within sight. They wouldn’t even go out into the yard to play, and if we had to go from house to car or car to house while Bob was around, they ran between the two to minimize their risk.
You know what else bears don’t do? Bears don’t molest their children. Bears don’t pretend to be holy and righteous while committing grievous sins.
I don’t see either Bob or his wife in the neighborhood anymore when I’m taking a walk on a warm spring day. I know which lawns they used to take care of, and I see other people tending to them now. A couple of years ago Bob was involved in a vehicle accident that nearly left him crippled. I’m just gonna keep my thoughts about that to myself.
