“She has a Jezebel spirit!”
Have you heard that one? It spun around evangelical circles for a hot minute on social media this spring. What does that even mean? Does she worship Ba’al, get her other-race husband to worship Ba’al, and go around killing rabbis and preachers? Probably not.
The “Jezebel spirit” is in any woman who doesn’t conform to the social contract as it’s established in western culture. The Jezebel spirit resides in women who are thinkers and talkers. This Jezebel spirit is in women who break the moulds of social conventions.
His name is Kevin*. Kevin has embraced the teachings of his evangelical, right-leaning church when it comes to the role of women in the household and society. At one point he was big on PromiseKeepers, a conservative Christian organization that promotes men taking back leadership in their homes, “by force if necessary” in the words of Tony Evans.
Kevin’s brother has a wife who isn’t into that mindset. She grew up in the church (neither Kevin nor his brother did) so naturally is in the role of spiritual leader of their home. At least, that’s what it looks like from the outside. Inside, it’s purely an “iron sharpens iron” situation. But Kevin’s sister-in-law is smart. He often accuses her of being “opinionated and outspoken.” She speaks her mind thoughtfully and tends to garner respect for it. So not only does she break the mould of how a proper, quietly obedient wife should behave, but the rest of his family approves of it.
Thing is, Kevin enjoys having discussions with her. They may not always agree, but she’s made him consider his beliefs in fresh ways and given him different perspectives on things. Their discussions are respectful and pleasant for both parties. Kevin’s brother likes taking a sideline on these, watching his wife hold her own but also watching over her in case something goes sideways.
Yet…
Kevin’s wife Karen* plays the quietly submissive wife around the family. She doesn’t contribute meaningful thoughts and certainly not anything especially deep. She just sits quietly and nurses wine coolers. She’ll occasionally make an effort to engage with some of the other women. Karen doesn’t go anywhere near Kevin if she can help it. Despite all outward appearances, it certainly seems that Karen is quite manipulative and controlling, something ironically that Kevin has accused his sister-in-law of being.
A couple of years ago, Kevin and Karen’s younger son spent about six months traveling around the nation. Their son’s girlfriend would go to see him every couple or few months or so, and Kevin would always go with her. He made no secret of the fact that he respected her and liked spending time with her. (To be fair, there was no hint of impropriety.) But personality-wise, she’s just like Kevin’s sister-in-law–the same sister-in-law who supposedly is “manipulative and controlling” and “outspoken and opinionated”!
So Kevin insults his sister-in-law, has declared he hates her, and has even suggested his brother divorce her. Yet, he secretly admires and respects her and has to see how happy Kevin’s brother and his wife are together (and who wouldn’t want one’s sibling to be happy?).
What we have here is cognitive dissonance and a serious amount of projection. Kevin wishes he could afford to take the financial and societal losses divorcing Karen would result in. (He places a great deal of importance on his reputation.) His own wife is controlling and manipulative. He disrespects his sister-in-law behind her back yet still enjoys engaging with her.
But Kevin’s not supposed to feel positive about these interactions in any way! His church teaches that women are supposed to be quietly submissive. They teach that the man is the head of the family. Yet, here he is supposing himself to be the head with no real control or power while also watching his brother not being the head but having as much agency in his marriage as his brother’s wife. Nothing is making sense to him; it’s not how he was taught to believe it should be.
So he goes in for the insults. He works the hate messages. He may even go so far as to think his sister-in-law has a “Jezebel spirit.” That blaming, insulting, and minimizing the woman schtick is the default for men when they’re faced with the cognitive dissonance between what’s real and what they believe, or between what they’ve always believed and what’s fresh and new in front of them now. Instead of adjusting their thoughts and beliefs, they double down on their animosity. They fall back on attacking women and saying they have “Jazebel spirits.” They do everything possible to keep from growing and maturing beyond where they are.
*Not their real names
